Thoughtful Morals

 EVERYBODY'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC

A show is considered memorable by its viewers if it captures the realism of the characters by showing their emotional and mental growths as they overcome obstacles in their lives. Though it seems rather fictional to see it on the screen, once you experience it you'll realize that it is not as beautiful as it usually shows on the screen. Having watched enough anime and read more than enough books of various genres , I used to feel constantly annoyed as to why the author chose to kill off important people in the protagonists life. Nearly every anime show has a protagonist whose parents are almost non existent , dead or overly abusive to the point where the show feels like you are carrying extra emotional baggage for a fictional character.

But honestly speaking, this particular arc is the hardest to achieve.

Around winter 2021, I experienced a loss (which I'll probably talk about one day) that created a barrier between the person that I was before the loss and the girl I became after that loss. Being unable to process those feelings of excruciating loss and grief , I kept on postponing those feelings, trying to create a structure with a shaky foundation. I tried to keep living a normal life without realizing that feeling those emotions will be the healing factor for me. For a while , it felt close to normal but it soon started to take a horrendous toll on me. The person who I lost was the kind who reminded me of a smooth, gentle lake that exuded peace and simplicity for us all impulsive people. It took one simple yet stupid excuse for that shaky structure of mine to shatter into a thousand , million , irreparable pieces. It wasn't the structure that toppled by itself. It felt like the ground beneath it was yanked out , causing it to smash even harder.

Learning how to change is the hardest thing I have probably attempted. I vowed to mend myself , idolizing that person who represented an epitome of patience and virtue. I still fail to keep patience , I still end up mis-behaving with my elders , I still end up talking bad about others , I don't do my share of work , I don't have confidence in myself. Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror , I feel irrational irritation as to why I'm so bad at changing myself . There were periods in which I was angry for no reason or that I just didn't want to study or go to college. 

Going to college felt like speeding up the process of what I thought was '' Letting-go''. Immersing myself with the flow of time felt alright to me but subconsciously , I knew the consequences I would have to face later for rejecting myself. Slowly but surely I started to feel something pecking away at me. I was becoming gloomier and more eager to suppress those growing emotions. Everybody knows that it requires just a spark for a cracker to explode. Around that time , we had finished with our tests and it was the first time in my life that I legitimately cried over a subject that I absolutely didn't love. This was in stark contrast to my ultra-chill and carefree personality where I didn't bawl out because I messed up a few derivations about which  I had no idea where they would come handy in real life. After the tests , it hit me that whilst I shed tears over messing up a few numbers, spelling mistakes or wrong definitions; Never once did I take a moment to shed those tears for someone who was an integral part of my life.

That was enough to press a restart button and to start from the point where I had actually stopped. I took a few life lessons from that person's book. I scolded myself that if I really loved that person I should learn good things from their life. I shouldn't stop like this.  I did a little bit of alterations to my closed-off demeanour by being more social with my existing group of friends , mingling more and more with my classmates by exchanging materials or jokes.  You could say that I at least tried to not gossip or speak bad of people in general because, come on now...everybody does it . Believe me , it is shattering to try and break out of our shells the way I did . It sounds funny or dumb , but as a way to recover from draining my social battery, I would always pound myself away by playing Genshin Impact ( which seems to be the rage nowadays. That stupid ad on Youtube regarding some event in the game would annoy me to no end ).

Aah, the bliss of losing yourself in an alternative universe with an annoying - brat of a fairy , a drunk elemental ruler who forgot his responsibilities as an Archon in pursuit of calming his moody pet dragon, the charming cavalry captain of the Knights who also has a brother who basks in his riches and the realistic and capturing scenery of the landscapes in the game. It's not exactly a sane idea to keep doing that because after that , the background music would keep playing in my head so much that I had to grit my teeth in frustration. I , mostly , took a lot of spiritual help to raise my character level by taking my prayer sessions seriously. I did household stuff because no one is going to die or your tablet won't be stolen if you help your mother in the house or your father in whatever he tells you to do LIKE COME ON, SERIOUSLY WHAT IS UP WITH HELPING YOUR PARENTS EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO . THAT'S LIKE THE MOST FREE TICKET TO HEAVEN YOU WILL PROBABLY EVER FIND.

I know I'm not one to talk( I get yelled at for playing too long and yours truly obviously doesn't listen. ) but we all need to do the last one because...we need to. We won't have come this far without them.  So that's how I did my first character-development arc. Let me know if you had one too.